Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I'm just a walking ragdoll...

I'm very tired...

why does our conversations always end up this way...

you know tt day when both of us are in the room and i was crying...

u totally ignored me and went to sleep...

you know how was i feeling?

i'm having a relapse~

i can't stop crying...

after you slept...

in order not to disturb you coz of my relapse...

and mainly coz i wanna cry it out...

i quietly took the keys and my hp...

got out of the hse...

went downstairs to the playground and just sat there crying...

as i walked...

i feel like dying there and then...

a thought flashed past me...

should i just go to the upper most floor and just end my life jumping down from there...

i cried and cried until everything i see is like black and white...

i feel very faint...

i'm breathing harder and harder...

painful as i tried to breathe...

i messaged Morbidkat...

"Jas... I may or may not remember sending this message... I dunno what will happen... I'm just sitting here... Crying... Shaking... I couldn't speak a word... I'm scared... I ran out from Maki's home... Maki fumed when i couldn't speak up... I dunno what to do... I can't stop crying... I'm all alone... I feel so much like dying... I'm so confused... My heart and chest hurts... Its hard to breathe... I don't know how long i can last..."

tt was the only message i managed to send...

i sat there crying and crying and crying...

words can't explain how torn I am...

I feel helpless...

i sat there crying for hours...

i could not remember i sat there crying how long...

all i know was...

when i stood up...

i felt faint...

then as i walk back home...

i...

fainted...

nobody was beside me...

when i recovered...

i forgot all the things...

memories start to flood back only when i checked my hp and found the above message...

i continued walking home...

back to bed...

and slept...

_~.:: <3 †Misha- <3 Alex ::.~_
>> titledat 7:35:00 am__


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